Are 'intensely connected' relationships something to strive for?

Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly have captured our attention lately, not only with their bizarre meet-cute (with MGK telling the actress ‘I am weed’ when first meeting), but due to the intensity of their relationship.

The couple’s recent GQ interview gave a snapshot of their life together – one that’s filled with ‘euphoric highs’ and ‘ecstasy and agony.’

But are intensely connected relationships like this something to strive for? 

Of course, romance, emotional connection and adoration are prominent during the honeymoon period of a relationship – often coming in waves as you get to know another person more deeply – however, is this healthy all of the time? 

Psychotherapist André Radmall delves into this in a little more detail.

He tells Metro.co.uk: ‘Passion and fire is a healthy and life giving aspect of relationships – especially at their beginning. However this kind of roller coaster is hard to maintain long-term. For one thing, it’s exhausting.’

Once the realities of life set in, this intensity often lessens.

André adds: ‘The true test of a relationship is what happens when the fireworks stop.

‘This is when qualities like loyalty, consistency and commitment kick in. These are the qualities that can hold a relationship together when the passion subsides.’

However Andre adds that these highs and lows aren’t always a bad thing – as they can sometimes help people confront issues from their past.

He says: ‘It is clear that Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly (MGK) have ignited something in each other that is primal and powerful. In my experience this kind of fire at the start of a relationship is not something that can be worked for. It just happens.’

‘They also acknowledge that it’s not all fun and games. Megan describes how the relationship forces them to face their shadow sides.

‘While intense, this is a healthy aspect of their relationship. Any close relationship is likely to bring up uncomfortable feelings and thoughts in people. Often these are avoided or ignored, especially in the intoxication of passion.

‘Megan and MGK seem prepared to embrace these shadows and work through them.’

Relationship expert and psychotherapist Neil Wilkie adds that striving for intense connections really comes down to personal preference – and also has a lot to do with our personal attachment styles.

Neil says: ‘It depends on our perception, our upbringing, attachment style, the strengths of our current foundations, our partner, values, and the future that we want.

‘We tend to have one of four attachment styles, based on our early childhood. These are secure, anxious, avoidant, or fearful. These will shape the sort of relationship we want. 

‘Someone with a secure attachment will be much more open to euphoric highs, where someone that is anxious or fearful will prefer steadiness.

‘If we are well-grounded, are loved and feel financially and emotionally secure, then we will either feel safe to push the boundaries. Or, if we feel that we have too much to lose, we’ll aim for steadiness.’

Because every individual is completely different it’s also crucial not to compare one relationship to others. 

‘People discover relationships and bond differently,’ says Alex Mellor-Brook co-founder of Select Personal Introductions.

‘For some the attraction is immediate like Paul and Linda McCartney, who fell in love at first sight and became almost inseparable. Other relationships can take a while to get going and eventually there is a realisation that the couple have feelings for each other.

‘The mistake is to convince yourself that finding love has to be a particular way and being blinkered to everything else around you.’

It’s also important to differentiate between genuine emotional connections and lust.

‘There is no right or wrong way to find love, but appreciate that the chemical release in your body may trick you into thinking you’re in love, when all you are experiencing is lust, which will soon wear off,’ adds Alex.

‘Whether you experience euphoric highs, or steadily trickle along, if there is respect and trust in your relationship it doesn’t matter, it’s more about what works for the two of you.’

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing [email protected]

Source: Read Full Article