Like an unnecessary time warp to 1990, news headlines this week have been overflowing with wild revelations about famed Brat Packer Demi Moore. Moore, 56, has been on the promo trail for her new memoir Inside Out, unloading personal stories both bemusing and harrowing.
Among other things, she details the "truth" behind her 2011 split from ex-husband Ashton Kutcher, suggesting the That '70s Show star (allegedly) urged Moore to indulge in booze and threesomes, only to use those dalliances to shame her and "deflect blame" after his infidelity became public. As a headline on website Vulture put it: "Ashton Kutcher should probably avoid reading Demi Moore's memoir."
Demi Moore’s wild revelations might be the tip of the iceberg in a crowded field of coming celebrity memoirs. Credit:Invision
It seems unlikely he took that advice. Kutcher, who married his former sitcom co-star Mila Kunis in 2015, took to Twitter amid the furore to cryptically say, "I was about to push the button on a really snarky tweet. Then I saw my son, daughter, and wife and I deleted it," before posting his phone number alongside the line: "For truth, text me." (According to Page Six, the text response is an automated update on the political situation in Ukraine. Good one, Kutch.)
If such details weren't intimate enough, Moore also revealed she took Jon Cryer's virginity while the two were co-stars on the 1984 comedy No Small Affair – prompting the actor to inform his social media followers that, despite his clearly lacking "skill level" at the time, Moore was wrong and he'd actually already "lost my virginity in high school".
As a sordid peek into the private realities of Hollywood's rich and famous, it's eye-popping stuff. But perhaps the pressing question is: why do we need to know all this? Why is there a glob of my brain now filled with intimate knowledge of Duckie from Pretty in Pink's sex life? I didn't ask for this.
In the coming weeks, perhaps getting the jump on the Christmas shopping frenzy, a slew of celebrity memoirs will hit our shelves, from the anticipated (Debbie Harry's Face It; Elton John's Me) to the, well, I'm sure someone somewhere cares (Full Circle, from the actress who played Kimmy Gibbler on Full House; The Jonas Brothers' Blood, bizarrely co-penned by Neil Strauss of Motley Crue's The Dirt fame). To make a dent in today's manic news cycle, they'll have to reveal everything shy of admitting to a murder (my money's on Nick Jonas).
Of course, outside of settling old grudges or lighting up the newsfeed with debauched details from behind the publicist's curtain, there can be a social value to the celebrity memoir.
Queer Eye's Jonathan Van Ness's coming memoir Over The Top includes the revelation he is HIV-positive to "help debunk common misconceptions about people living with HIV" and counter the "Trump administration's… stigmatisation of the LGBT community", as he told The New York Times. Rocker Liz Phair's new memoir Horror Stories reportedly finds her poring over her recent working relationship with disgraced musician Ryan Adams, to illustrate the extent she'd normalised the sexism and male harassment she'd faced in the music industry.
At this point, almost 100 years removed from Fatty Arbuckle's pre-talkies scandal, there's nothing new in exposing the dysfunctional facade behind Hollywood's sparkly sheen – but, like Moore, every celebrity's got the right to tell their own story. It would be nice if they could take it easy on the Jon Cryer banging details, though. Andrew McCarthy? Sure, that's fine.
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