I've fallen for my married coworker – can we be friends?

DEAR DEIDRE: I REALLY miss talking to a guy at work after I put some distance between us.

He has supported me through some dark times.

I am a gay man and began to fall for him. I want more than just friendship, but then I found out he was married.


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I’ve always been shy yet when I see him I can’t stop the butterflies.

We seem to really connect but I think he’s baffled as I have pushed him away.

I thought it best as I didn’t want to be second best. I’m 29 and he’s 33.

Do I continue to be friends or just walk away?

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I can’t stop my feelings but worry we might damage a really good friendship over a connection that could hurt many people.

I don’t know whether he feels the same way. I’m unsure whether I should tell him how I feel.

DEIDRE SAYS: I’m not denying your feelings are very real, but I’d resist the temptation to tell him.

Be friends, but if you really care for him, don’t make life difficult for him.

Think about what’s best for him and if that means being mature enough to end something (even before it has begun) then that’s the right decision.

You’ll find the right man in time – it just isn’t this one.

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