Milestoning: The dating trend that can leave you sidelined

Have you ever been ‘milestoned’?

Think about it: did you ever get introduced to all the family and friends at big social gatherings, only for it to then abruptly end?

If that particular scenario sounds familiar, you may have been on the receiving end of this dating phenomena.

So, what exactly is it?

Milestoning can be a way to find a date for a big event, especially if you’re short on time or struggling to meet new people in your day-to-day life.

By using dating apps strategically, you can increase your chances of finding someone who’s a good match.

You might do that by spending more time on apps, swiping on more people, opening more conversations – essentially, putting in a lot more effort and making the first moves.

There are pros and cons to this method, as dating expert from, Emma Hathorn, tells us.

Pros of milestoning

At its best, milestoning can quickly help you to establish whether or not your date is long-term material and suits your future goals. 

‘In essence it allows you to cut to the chase much more quickly instead of wasting time and spending countless hours getting to know one another better. It’s a crash course on your potential lives together,’ Emma explains.

‘Milestoning is an excellent opportunity for singles to immerse themselves in their partner’s lives and social circles, by giving them a unique insight into what their lives might be like together in a relatively short space of time. 

‘It helps to forge a deeper connection.

‘By getting to know one another within a social setting and within their friendship circles more intimately, you are able to see how they behave and are treated by their peers, and in doing so get a better understanding of that person in the round.’

Also, if you’ve been introduced to friends early on, it means the valued opinions of these people can be gained sooner.

Emma adds it can work well for those who thrive in a social setting.

Cons of milestoning

However, this fast and furious approach can feel synonymous with lovebombing, and other unhelpful dating styles.

Emma says: ‘There is a chance you could just be looking at someone as an accessory for an event that requires a date, clouding your judgement on whether you have a real romantic connection.

‘On the flip side, it’s important to note that daters interest may not be genuine if their interest towards you is just saving themselves from turning up to a milestone event alone. 

‘This approach is for the resilient and self-assured, and non-deep thinkers. Don’t get too caught up if things don’t work out.

‘They may have not been the one but at least you had fun together.’

Although, it’s completely understandable to feel confused if something goes from 100 to zero all of a sudden.

Equally, it might scare off someone who is easily overwhelmed and prefers a slower burn approach.

How to spot the signs

Are you being used for a big event? Emma says to go off your gut feeling.

‘Milestoning can be spotted in many different forms, but the most obvious sign is when things move too quickly too soon,’ she says.

‘Perhaps you’ve been invited to an event that you feel is more appropriate for someone in a more established relationship, and you sense pressure to attend.

‘It’s important to remember that your future shouldn’t hinge on whether or not you agree to go.

‘The conversation should continue as it normally would, and ultimately, it’s not a big deal if you decide not to go.

‘If you do notice that someone is milestoning you, you may see a loss of interest or frustration if you decline an invitation.

‘It’s important to communicate honestly about your feelings and expectation in any relationship, to ensure you are both on the same page.’

Essentially, you may want to duck out before they ditch you post-event.

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