Modern Guru: Should I keep my sex toys in a secret spot or be unashamed?

Q: I worry about my sex toys being discovered in the event that I die unexpectedly and a close relative clears out my house. Should my collection be kept in a safe, secret spot or should I be unashamed?

A.J., Fairfield, Vic   

Illustration by Simon LetchCredit:

A: There is no safe secret spot for a sex toy. If one exists in a house, it's going to be found by someone who shouldn't be finding it, either after you're dead, or even more embarrassingly, while you're still very much alive and possibly sitting together in the same room. When my daughter was a toddler, we were having lunch at a friend's house and my kid suddenly appeared in front of us, chewing on an unusually long pink rubber teething toy she'd found in a bedroom, under a bed, inside a double-knotted drawstring bag. Oh, how we laughed about it, then washed her face and hands, then didn't kiss her for the next two months.

Whether you die expectedly or unexpectedly, loved ones are always going to find crazy things you may not have wanted them to find. Sex toys, erotic letters, dope stashes, bondage implements, nude photos of your lover that you promised you'd deleted but didn't – you kept them on your laptop in a secret folder named PRIVATE PICS, plonked right in the centre of the screen.

And you know what? Nobody cares. It's cute and funny and nothing to be ashamed of. Not unless it's something truly diabolical, like Nazi war memorabilia in the attic, or gnawed-on human remains in the freezer, or the pair of fluoro orange Crocs in your cupboard that are just so damn comfortable, you could never let them go. Nobody should find that kind of stuff. Destroy all those things. Burn those Crocs immediately, and protect your beautiful, everlasting memory.

[email protected]

To read more from Good Weekend magazine, visit our page at The Sydney Morning Herald, The Age and Brisbane Times.

Source: Read Full Article