DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend admitted that while he was with his ex, he had a thing for escorts and sex workers.
I was shocked, but felt pleased he was honest with me. Now I’m worried history is repeating itself.
I am 42 and a nurse and my boyfriend is 44 and a chef. We have been together for three years.
I was married for 20 years before him. I didn’t think I’d ever find love again after my divorce.
My boyfriend is amazing. He swept me off my feet. He makes me feel good about myself and is always telling me how sexy and beautiful I am — but then he has this secretive side.
When we got together he told me he wanted it to be different with me and that he wanted a fresh start.
He confided he regularly went to brothels when his ex was asleep, sneaking back into bed afterwards. He also went several times to an escort when his ex was pregnant.
He confessed it all, saying he wouldn’t treat me that way.
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But recently I have realised he watches porn when I’m making our dinner — he picks up his laptop then sneaks off to the bedroom.
I’m worried I’m losing him to his old demons.
I know I shouldn’t, but I snooped on his phone. I found numbers for escorts in his call history, so I rang one and she admitted she was a local escort.
I don’t know if he visited but I do know he called a few times. The calls were made early in the morning when I was still at work.
I also found he had been on a site that is a platform for private webcam shows.
I don’t understand why he does this when we have a great sex life. It seems I am not enough for him.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your boyfriend is addicted to sex, and until he faces up to this he will continue sneaking around and you will feel humiliated.
He clearly feels confident he can get away with behaving like this and will continue until you take a stand.
Tell him that what he is doing will ultimately wreck your relationship so he must work hard to rebuild your trust and take real steps to beat his addictions.
The good news is there is help and he can overcome this damaging behaviour.
He can see sexaddictionhelp.co.uk for guidance and read my support pack Addicted To Sex.
But he has to take the first steps. If he won’t, ask yourself do you want to stay in a relationship like this?
With coronavirus still around, he is also putting your health at risk.
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