DEAR DEIDRE: BEFORE I met my husband, I dated his brother.
We kept it quiet for my husband’s sake but now he has blown our secret.
I am 36. I met my husband’s brother when I was 19.
We had an exciting, sexy relationship for six months.
It fizzled out when he got a job abroad then I met my husband through work.
We got married two years later.
His brother came back for our wedding.
He swore he would never let on but now he says he has always loved me.
My husband is furious that I misled him. I love them both.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Lots of people find it threatening if their partner went out with someone they know – a mix of insecurity and possessiveness.
But there is nothing morally wrong in dating siblings (at different times, of course).
Keeping it secret after your wedding was the mistake and is why he feels deceived.
Say you realise it was misguided but your joint priority must now be sorting out your marriage.
Be wary of imagining you and your brother-in-law would live happily ever after.
You may have fond memories but don’t really know him.
I’m sending my e-leaflet Torn Between Two Men? to help you think it over.
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