My husband pretends he’s a baby for sexual kicks and it repulses me

DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband pretends he’s a baby for sexual kicks. It repulses me.

Years ago, he tried to get me to join in but I refused and found it a total turn-off.

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I thought he had his weird kink under control but the truth is he’s been lying to me. I’ve found messages that show he’s been visiting prostitutes to indulge his fetish and I’m not sure I can stay in the marriage.

We’ve been together for 22 years and married for 18. I’m 52 and he is 54.

When we first met, he seemed completely normal sexually. We had a regular, if dull, sex life.

I didn’t have a clue about his “age play” fetish until we were married with young children.

One day, I came home early from work to discover him fast asleep inside our youngest child’s playpen. He was sucking his thumb, cuddling a toy sheep and wearing an adult nappy. I was totally horrified and almost threw up.

He begged me not to leave him and told me that being a baby calmed him down when he was stressed.

I couldn’t understand it at all because he is a successful businessman who manages big budgets and a team. Eventually, he admitted he also got a sexual thrill out of doing it. He said he liked to be dominated by a woman.

I insisted it could not be part of our marriage and he agreed to stop. But clearly, he didn’t. Instead, he just did it out of the house and paid other women to “nanny” him.

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How can he throw our marriage away for this bizarre need to be an adult baby? He has otherwise been a good husband and father, and I do love him. I can’t tell anybody what’s happened as they would be revolted too.

I feel alone, angry and confused. What can I do?

DEIDRE SAYS:  Fetishes are not easily switched off. Your husband’s need to dress up as, and be treated like, a baby probably has deep roots in his past.

So while he might have wanted to stop for you, it is likely he couldn’t.

It is understandable you find his fetish unpalatable and do not want to engage with it.

And he has broken your trust. But it is clear you still feel a lot of love for him and it would be a shame to throw away your relationship without seeing if you could work things out.

Contact the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (, 020 8543 2707) for therapy – alone or together.

My support pack about fetishes should also help you both to understand this more.

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