My partner claims his abusive days are over, but I'm not sure I believe him

DEAR DEIDRE: I DON’T believe my partner when he promises he is a changed man and his violent days are over.

He’s 30, I’m a woman of 25 and we have four children under the age of six.

Over the years, he has mistreated me by being controlling and possessive.

He’s emotionally abused me and has destroyed my home in temper.

He’s a rubbish dad and last year he walked out. There was finally some peace and I felt relieved.

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He has problems with drugs, gambling, alcohol and depression.

I returned all of his belongings to his mum’s, where he was living, and began to rebuild my self-esteem.

I got a job and began talking to a new man but my partner found out. He pleaded with me to take him back.

I said yes but the thought of being with him feels like torture. He’s already demanding to see texts I send to friends and listens in when I call my family. They hate him.

DEIDRE SAYS: There are alarm bells ringing for me. He has not changed at all.

This kind of coercive control and your partner losing his temper are damaging things for your children to witness.

You can access help through the Domestic Abuse Helpline, 0808 200 0247, run by Refuge (

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