My wife doesn’t know that I’ve been secretly fantasising about sex with men

DEAR DEIDRE: I’M really confused about my sexuality.

Years ago, when I was a student, I got drunk and had oral sex with a man at a party.

I enjoyed it at the time but afterwards I freaked out and hated myself. I didn’t ever do it again.

I’m a man of 35 now. I have been married to a wonderful woman, who’s 36, for the past five years.

In the past year, I’ve started cross-dressing, which she knows about and accepts. I get a thrill out of dressing up in women’s clothes.

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But what my wife doesn’t know is that I’ve also secretly been fantasising about sex with men and have been using sex toys on myself.

Now I’m wondering if I might actually be bisexual – or even gay.

DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t try to label yourself, as that isn’t helpful. Sexuality isn’t black and white and few people are 100 per cent straight or 100 per cent gay.

Fantasising is also very normal and healthy. It sounds like you have been repressing your feelings for years, out of shame or guilt.

My support packs on Gay and Bisexual Questions should help you think this through. They include details of organisations you can turn to for support.

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