Therapist reveals 'normal' relationship things that aren't red flags

Therapist lists nine ‘completely normal’ things that don’t have to be ‘red flags’ in a relationship – but not everyone agrees

  • A therapist has shared the normal things in a relationship that aren’t red flags
  • Jeff Guenther, from the US, went viral with his controversial takes in a TikTok clip 
  • He said it’s fine to ‘hold a special place in your heart’ for an ex-partner 
  • Jeff also said it’s ok to find other people outside your relationship attractive 
  • Other points included sleeping in separate beds and taking solo holidays 

From sleeping in separate beds to finding others ‘hot’ and even still having feelings for an ex, a top therapist has revealed the ‘normal’ things in a relationship that aren’t necessarily red flags.

Jeff Guenther, from Portland in the US, is a licenced professional counsellor and shared his nine ‘completely normal’ things that happened in a relationship that aren’t cause for concern. 

The relationship therapist, who has been practicing for more than 17 years, listed the common relationship things in a viral clip and caused a stir in the comments with some of his controversial takes.

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Counsellor Jeff Guenther (pictured) has caused a stir after sharing his nine things in a relationship that aren’t necessarily red flags

Jeff’s first and most contentious points were that it’s fine to have ‘a special place in your heart’ for an ex and find people outside of your relationship attractive

9 Completely normal things that don’t have to be a red flag in relationship. #mentalhealth #therapy #therapytok #mentalhealthmatters #relationshiptips #dating #datingadvice #marriage #redflags

Jeff’s first and most contentious point was about harbouring affection for an ex.

‘Number one: Holding a special place in your heart for an ex because some of those exes were really important to you,’ he said. 

Secondly, the counsellor said it’s ok to find other people outside your relationship attractive ‘because you don’t magically stop thinking hot people aren’t hot’. 

1. Holding a special place in your heart for an ex because some of those exes were really important to you.

2. Being attracted to someone outside your relationship because you don’t magically stop thinking hot people aren’t hot.

3. Doubting the relationship every now and then because relationships suck sometimes.

4. Fighting about the same thing over and over again because every relationship has perpetual fights that never go away.

5. Sleeping in different rooms because have you tried that lately? It’s amazing. 

6. Wanting to go on vacation without your partner because sometimes you need some effing space, am I right?

7. Going to relationship therapy because we all need a tune up.

8. Having mismatched libidos because it’s very rare that you both want to do it at the same time every time. 

9. Not being transparent about every single thing because oversharing is real and a little privacy never killed anyone.

Source: TherapyJeff/TikTok 

Jeff said it’s ok to doubt a relationship occasionally because they can often be difficult. 

‘Four: fighting about the same thing over and over again because every relationship has perpetual fights that never go away,’ he continued. 

He also said sleeping in separate rooms is ‘amazing’ and it’s ok to go on holiday without your partner ‘because sometimes you need some effing space’. 

He said sleeping in separate beds is ‘amazing’ and no cause for concern and it’s normal to want to go on holiday without your partner to get some space

Jeff’s seventh take was that it is not a red flag to go to relationship therapy as we all need a ‘tune up’ and it’s ok to have ‘mismatched’ libidos. 

‘It’s very rare that you both want to do it at the same time every time,’ he added. 

Finally, Jeff said couples don’t have to share everything or be completely transparent with one another. 

‘Oversharing is real and a little privacy never killed anyone,’ he concluded.

Finally, Jeff said couples don’t have to share everything or be completely transparent with one another

The US relationship coach’s clip racked up more than 5.8million views and hundreds of comments with many saying they weren’t so convinced lingering feelings for exes was alright.   

‘I’m not really sure about the ex thing,’ one woman wrote.

‘You cannot be having a special place for your ex in your heart! This made me break up with my last recently! It’s not ever fair! I disagree to it!’ a second agreed. 

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A third defended Jeff saying: ‘Being friends with an ex isn’t a red flag, I get along so well with mine, but we do not work in a relationship, but we make great friends.’ 

Some said they would be concerned if their partner found other people attractive.

‘Finding hot people hot is one thing, flirting with them behind my back is another,’ one viewed argued.  

‘I think there’s a difference between being attracted TO someone, and thinking that someone is attractive,’ another pointed out.

‘I disagree as rare as it is some people really only have eyes for their partner,’ said a third.

Others were thankful for the ‘reassuring’ advice with one saying: ‘This is the most validating video for relationships I’ve seen’. 

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